We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
