Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
