i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
