I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
