tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
