I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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