Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
