TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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