I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
