Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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