K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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