I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
