70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There r osticjed everywhere
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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