And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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