Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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