I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
