you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
