i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
