The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need to calm my uterus...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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