i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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