We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
