sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
