I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
