wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
