ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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