I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
smell my finger.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
