I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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