MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
