Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
