I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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