Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
