Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
