Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
