you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
