you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
