im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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