____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
