I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
