just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
