I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
