Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i dont even know how to be here
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
