We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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