What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
