We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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