Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
