Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
