Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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