my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Randomize
