shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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