There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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