So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
