I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
