May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
